you know how they say thanksgiving eve is like "the biggest bar night of the year" or whatever? i will give this potentially made up statistic some credit because in my tiny ass hometown this might be true. i went to this packed bar aptly titled citrus which i found out is owned by one of my older cousin's bffs so let's pretend i have an "in" here. anyway everyone i ever went to high school with and more was there. a guy i know brought his armed forces (idk what one) friends. in a very uncharacteristic happening, they thought i was funny when i bummed their cigarettes outside and enthralled them with my hilarious personality. we went to some other bar and there was dancing. all my friends had significant others i think? or something i don't know. so when that guy came around, i told him to bring his sexy friends* to dance with us (me).
so i'm getting my dance on with this guy named vince (names have been changed to protect the innocents unable to resist my wit and charm) who i think is like not really my type (see: "distressed" abercrombie jeans and "tims"(shouldn't it be "timbs?")) but WHAT-EVER. anyway. we like do that dancey thing then leave the bar because it's closing time or my friend who is driving wants to leave. he follows me out and hugs me and picks me up and is calling me "baby" and we make out a little in a parking garage and he's being like real sweet/romantic? but i'm like tee hee i'm drunk bye. he asks for my number. i give it to him. the end.
the next day i'm tooling around on facebook and i see on my friend's facebook wall "thanks so much for letting vince spend thanksgiving with you! take good care of him! <333" and i'm like "hm that's kinda cute his mom and my friend are facebook friends" i click on vince's mom's profile and it's actually his girlfriend. whatever, i think, men are scum or like maybe they're into that open relationship thing. who knows! not i.
a month later i'm back in the hometown for christmas. guy and vince and crew come rolling into the bar congratulating vince on his recent marriage. i have no cares but i feel like he felt real uncomfortable in my general vicinity. vince-inity. the end.
further research confirmed that vince is, to this day, the ugliest guy i have ever kissed.
*none of these friends were sexy.
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