tuff life

when i was 15 i had this crush on a boy named drew. his dad used to be a teacher at the arts high school we went to but it was rumored that he got let go because he smoked weed with students. drew and i were in the same painting class and one time spent a good amount of time using a staple gun to staple a separate peace onto the wall. for art. he was a year younger than me. anyway he said one time he would take me to prom in his dad's pickup truck full of sawdust. anyway we flirted, held hands, talked a bunch on aol instant messenger (which is where i did like 98% of my communicating from ages 11-17). one day we sat outside in this grass patch and he played 'queen jane approximately' on his boombox on repeat. fun fact: that was my most listened to song on itunes until i went to college. that clearly means i was in deep. anyway, everyone noticed our mutual crushing and shit. 

one day, he came to school with a bouquet of daisies and carried it around all day and everyone was like, "tee hee omg he's going to give it to you." and i was like aw. i didn't say anything about it, though, i just let him carry it around and converse with me as normal. at one point he gave me one of the daisies. anyway, that particular day we had electives and he and i were not in the same class. so as i was leaving to get on the bus i saw him near the entrance talking to this girl shayna. then he gave her the flowers.

later that day he messaged me and said he had the best day because he and shayna lay on the floor under a christmas tree listening to music and having deep conversations. and that he was in love with her.

i spent the next week laying on the floor of the portfolio room occasionally weeping while intermittently participating in class.

several months later, this kid eliot and i began making out for a solid 15 minutes every day behind the coffee shop near my art school. he didn't even go to school with me he just skateboarded around? that was cool of me. and also probably really showed that drew kid. actually it didn't because no one even ever saw us. then that kid tried to make me his girlfriend and i was like nope and ignored him until he went away.